So…it works how?

I’m not delusional, that looks like an ornamental mirkin, right? It’s not! It’s adhesive panties. Because slapping some tape to your vag is much more comfortable and convenient than underwear or going commando.

So, I guess these are pretty much panty liners only worn the opposite way around… Because they’re sexy? If I were a dude, and it was my wedding night, and that was under the dress, I would run away crying because that does not look like panties. That looks like a cyborg pussy.

So these came to be, because a delusional woman refused to buy underwear that would fit her. Click on the picture above to see the before and after panty line demonstration. The girl obviously isn’t fat, but if you’re a size 4, wearing size 0 underthings is probably not going to look great while wearing unforgiving fabrics. She says she tried every other brand of panties, but all lead to bulging where bulging should not be. Again, had she gone up a size, this whole mess could have been avoided.

Hypothetical situation: Say you’re walking home from a fancy party in which you thought wearing one of these monstrosities would be appropriate. Randy the Rapist is hiding in the bushes, and sees your lack of a panty line, and assumes you’re a slut who doesn’t wear undies. So Randy starts to chase you. You throw your shoes at him like an Iraqi journalist and you run for your life. Jumping over hedges, and dashing through busy streets, you start to build up a sweat. Would that sweat not loosen the adhesive strip you used to apply your pretty pretty skivvies? What if while leaping over a fire hydrant, they fell off? Then you just left a pervy little souvenir for our good friend Randy. Well, in theory anyways. He would probably just be really confused as to why your vagina was leaking fabric strips.

In closing, there is no need for you to use a clamshell to cover your clamshell. You are not the Little Mermaid.